去他妈的金刚狼 Fuck Wolverine.
首先 他是因为看到《死侍1》火了 才把《金刚狼3》也拍成R级的 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating.
其次是这个多毛畜生用死这招来提升电影层次 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying.
真是个混蛋 What a dick.
你猜怎么着 小狼狼? Well, guess what, Wolvie?
不光你会死 哥也会 I'm dying in this one, too.
想知道为什么我要在1200加仑的 To understand why I took a cat-nap
高质燃料上打个小盹 on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel...
得从六周前的 I need to take you back
露水坡说起 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago.
我的英雄事业已经走向国际化了 I'd gone international,
跟超多杀人犯和黑帮暴徒对着干 taking out mass murderers, gangsters,
还有那些不可言说的怪物 unspeakable monsters.
那种除了我 没人敢碰的大佬 People nobody would touch. Except me.
我要那些被我碰的人爽到极点 I'm gonna touch them all over.
嘿 我是盖尔 Hey, it's Gail calling.
特喜欢你闪闪发光的外套 Love the shiny suit.
很衬你那 Really brings out
性贩运罪犯的眼神 the sex trafficker in your eyes.
我听不懂广东话 这位...先生 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister...
蒙我都懒得蒙 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that.
但我八年级的时候确实选修过西班牙语 所以 But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...
翻译过来就是 Which literally translates to...
我从不讨价还价 你个混球 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker.
Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.
我真的很抱歉 I am so sorry.
I thought this was an anal-bleaching party.
Don't worry. You're not going to die.
Although these will kill you.
放音乐吧 小可爱 Hit it, Dolly.
I'm merely a vessel for the Lord.
成功夺走下罪犯们拿枪的手 Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals!
真不该进来 Whoo! Do not go in there!
Let's see Captain America do that.
太骚了吗? Too exotic?
妈呀 我的妈呀 暂停 赶紧暂停 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out!
停 这帮混蛋的血都溅到我眼睛里了 Cut. I've got bad guy blood, right in my open eye.
真是太恶心了 Oh, that's so gross.
操 Fuck.
Looks like you left a little landing strip there.
I like it.
Oh, man!
我的环球正义之行的最终任务 My world tour brought me home
就是回到家干掉这个人 谢尔盖·瓦力什尼科夫 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov.
不过我们待会儿再聊他 But we'll get to him in a moment.
因为我知道你在想什么 'Cause I know what you're thinking.
"幸好我没带孩子来看这电影" "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home."
但是你这就不对了 But that's where you'd be wrong.
你的保姆这个时候已经嗑药嗑到嗨了 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now...
而且不管你信不信 死侍2 是一部合家欢电影 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film.
真的 不骗你 True story.
一部好的合家欢电影通常都是从凶残的谋杀开始的 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder.
比如《小鹿斑比》《狮子王》《电锯惊魂7》 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
我勒个老天呀 那家伙着火了 Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire.
那不是特效啊 伙计们 他是真的着火了 没错 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire.
你们知道有人出钱给我杀坏人的 对吧？ Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right?
但这个人 But this guy?
他是坏人里最坏的那一个 He was one of the worst of 'em.
赶紧把这破门给我打开 Hurry up and open this fucking door,
我们一起杀了这个混蛋 and let's kill this motherfucker!
呃 恶心死了 Ugh. So gross.
居然进安全屋？有用吗？ A panic room? Really?
你能出来让我宰一下吗 Can you come out?
我真的得走了 今天是我的纪念日 I really have to go. It's my anniversary.
我一次次地听到人们说 Over and over, I hear people say,
"我就是不够自信" "I just don't have enough confidence."
听着 自信不是你生来就有的 Listen, confidence is not something you have.
是要你自己去创造的 It's something you create.
而且你什么时候都能去创造它 And you can create it at any moment in time.
自信不过就是人自己 A sense of confidence is nothing
内在的一种力量 but a sense of power within yourself...
一种能确定自己可以做成某事的力量 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off.
快他妈的开车啊 Start the fucking car!
多芬德 Dopinder!
快他妈的开车啊 Start the fucking car!
MAN: Shoot that motherfucker! Shoot him!
Whoo!Oh, I shit my pants.
事实上 拉裤子的人可能是我 Actually, that may have been me.
任务完成了? Oh, mission accomplished?
Oh, in a George W. sort of way.
那个混蛋不可能永远躲在安全屋里不出来的 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever.
DOPINDER: Oh, you're living the dreams, DP.
在世界行侠仗义确实很爽 多芬德 It has been quite the run, Dopinder,
谁能想到呢？ and who'da thought?
我现在都能跟耶稣出现在同一句子里了 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus.
Passion of the Christ,then me.
最起码在国内是这样的 At least domestically.
但在海外票房上 We beat them overseas,
尤其是在那种不信教的国家 我们把《耶稣受难记》虐爆了 where there's no such thing as religion.
我也想活在梦里啊 侍侍 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy.
开出租车可是一点意思都没有 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks.
I want to fill my...Pockets?
你最想来点什么？来点白粉？ What's your poison? A little, uh, cokey cokey?
没在网上买鞋子 Can't maintain an erection
就硬不起来 without buying shoes online?
刚说的那个我也从没经历过 I've never experienced that last one.
和我说说吧小可爱 Talk to me, Goose.
我本来想说的是 灵魂 我想要充实自己的灵魂 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul.
我想要找个归属 像你一样 死侍先生 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir.
Dopinder...Hmm?
你真是一直在给我惊喜啊 You never cease to surprise me.
你的心海真是深邃非凡 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary.
我们都需要一种归属感 We all need a sense of belonging.
我们都需要一种真正的家的感觉 We all need a genuine sense of home.
某个地方 A place in this world.
我想要成为一名职业杀手 I want to become a contract killer.
我没听清 你刚才说什么？ I'm sorry. What did you say?
还记得我绑架班都 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu
还威胁要杀了他的时候吗 and threatened him with great violence?
某种程度上来说已经杀了 You kind of killed him.
还记得《夜访吸血鬼》那部电影吗 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire?
我并不想记得 Don't want to.
汤姆·克鲁斯第一次 When Tom Cruise fed
喂10岁的克尔斯滕·邓斯特 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood
喝血的时候 for the first time...
然后她看向他光滑 and she looked up at his smooth,
英俊的脸 handsome face and said...
说道："我还想要喝" "I want some more."
啊 侍儿 脑补一下 我就是那个10岁的克尔斯滕·邓斯特 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
画面感太强 想忘都难 I'll never not picture that.
但是我非常想终止这话题 But I can't wait to never speak of this,
越快越好 as soon as possible.
我们到了 We're here.
Dopinder, it's me again.
Look, a saner man might discourage you
from joining the deadly merc business...
what, with your concave chest
and your paper towel tube arms.
But you're an eagle...
and goddamn it, an eagle's gotta soar.
You gotta grab those dreams,
grab those dreams by the dick tip...
and make it rain!
I don't know what that means.
Me neither.
I'm gonna see you...
at the office.
In the sky.
你是我的汤姆·克鲁斯 You're my Tom Cruise!
你是我的克来斯滕·邓斯特 And you're my Kristen Dunst!
克来斯滕 克尔斯滕 Kristen? Kirsten?
对不起我迟到了 Sorry I'm late.
有一群小孩子困在树上了 There was a bunch of
我不救他们 handicapable children stuck in a tree...
and I had to, uh...Uh-uh.
我刚和蝙蝠侠打了一架 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass.
然后我发现他的妈妈也叫玛莎 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too.
No.You got me.
I was rounding up all the gluten in the world
and launching it into space...
where it can't not hurt us ever again.
Try again.
Diarrhea?
We can't be sure until I get this suit off...
but, uh, all signs point to yes.
堵车呢？ Traffic?
行吗？ Hmm?
像你想我一样狠狠的亲我吧 小贱 Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
你过来啊 Well, come here.
我想洗个澡然后脱掉这身衣服 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit.
你不想要一个惊喜吗？ Don't you want your surprise?
我看起来像一个烧伤的病患吗 Do I look like a patient burn victim?
我这给你来个惊喜 I got one for you, too.
周年快乐 宝贝 Happy anniversary, baby.
快打开 快打开 Open, open, open.
滑雪球游戏币 Skee-Ball token.
我们的第一次约会 Our first date.
对 Yup.
这是货真价实的高档铅 That's genuine, high-grade lead.
我会永远保存它 I'll keep it forever.
谢谢你 宝贝 Thank you, baby.
Open yours.All right, all right.
这是 Oh...
这是我所见过的最漂亮的 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've...
我不知道这是什么东西 I don't know what this is.
我的宫内节育器 My IUD.
是炸弹吗？ A bomb?
不是 你个精虫上脑的傻瓜 这是我的节育器 No, dick for brains. My birth control device.
你说是你的 What, you mean that your...
产子计划正式启动 Baby factory's open for business.
哦 我的天呐 Oh, my God!
哦 我的老天爷 我想要一个男孩 Oh, my God! I want a boy!
或者一个女孩 不管是哪个我都喜欢 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other!
我想让我们的孩子只有名不要姓 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name.
例如切丽 或者托德 Like Cher or Todd.
你要先播种啊 大傻瓜 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy.
我会的 Yes, I do.
我们先看点黄片 然后看谁才是床上的霸主 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss.
就这么定了 Let's do that.
♪ Papa...♪
♪ Can you hear me?♪
♪ Papa, can you see me?♪
这首歌你听起来耳熟吗 Does this song sound familiar to you?
梅 May.
如果是男孩 就叫康恩 女孩就叫梅 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl.
感觉真怪啊 So weird.
家庭这个词对我来说一直都是脏话 Family was always an F-word to me.
混蛋父亲抛妻弃子... My pile of shit father took off and bailed.
我没有好的父辈告诉我该怎么做才能 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models
当好托德的爹 to draw off of for Todd.
嘿 看着我 Hey. Look at me.
你不是你的父亲 You are not your father.
另外 Besides...
我永远也不会给孩子起名为托德的 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd.
但是问题是 But here's the thing,
难道故事不是这样发展的吗 isn't that how it always works?
就像星战里 Like in Star Wars,
男人注定会成为他们的父亲 men are destined to become their father...
然后和他们的姐姐来一场两厢情愿的啪啪啪 and then have consensual sex with their sister?
我觉得你错过了那电影里面 很多 很多 的剧情 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.
没有 我确定卢克上了她 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
宝贝 那是帝国反击战里的剧情 Baby, that's Empire.
重点是 孩子们 The point is, kids...
他们让我们有机会变成更好的人 they give us a chance to be better than we are.
比我们以前更好 Better than we used to be.
你比我看上去聪明太多了 You're a lot smarter than I look.
我要去做些点心 I'm gonna go make dessert.
你去把小皮鞭准备好 我们来造一个超级宝宝吧 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby.
虽然我确定不是这么一回事 不过可以一试 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try.
VANESSA: What about Krystal? But with a "K"?
这样太像脱衣舞娘了 It's too stripper-y.
K开头的凯文 Kevin with a "K"!
不行 还是太脱衣舞娘了 No, too stripper-y, too.
厄尔 Uh, Earl!
如果我们叫他厄尔 He's gonna go straight to jail
他会直接进监狱的 if we name him Earl.
布鲁斯怎么样 What about Bruce?
没有吗 No.
趴下 Get down.
啥 What?
宝贝儿 宝贝儿 Baby? Baby?
我没事 I'm okay.
我不用甩涂奶油芝士的餐刀真是太好了 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader.
求求你 Please.
求求你 Please. Please.
宝贝 对不起 Baby, I'm so sorry.
不 No!
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪
只有我这么觉得吗 Is it just me, or does
Do You Want to Build a Snowman?from Frozen...
听上去非常像 sound suspiciously like
《燕特尔》的"爸爸 你能听到我吗" Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl?
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪
而且没有人他妈注意到 And nobody fucking realizes it.
Wade, you gotta go home.
You've been sitting here for three days, okay?
You smell like sauerkraut left in the warm rain.
Like wet garbage in hot urine.
You smell like a dog ate kitty litter...
and then farted his way out of the living room.
I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's
couch cushions after Shark Week.
我超爱冰雪奇缘 I love Frozen.
我爱她 我像海洋爱水一样爱她 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
海洋里都是水啊 An ocean is water.
更重要的是 我好喜欢她 我真的好喜欢她 你懂吗 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know?
乔治·迈克尔说得对 George Michael was right.
我再也不会跳舞了 我操 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck!
他也死了 He's dead, too.
至少我们还有鲍伊 At least we still have Bowie.
Oh, Mr. Pool. David Bowie is...
Uh, uh, uh...
still with us.
We do. We'll always have Bowie.
你说什么 I'm sorry.
不管你喝了多少杯 Shot after shot,
都不能改变一个事实 就是我觉得你... it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're...
你在嘘嘘吗 你现在在小便吗 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now?
你现在在做你小便时的惯用表情 You're making the face that you make when you urinate.
Is he pissing?I'm on it!
干得不错 多芬德 There you go, Dopinder.
你想做一个职业杀手 If you want to be a contract killer...
就要在学会用枪之前 先学会用拖把 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun.
其实我不太懂它们俩 Although I don't quite understand
到底有什么相似之处 how they are at all similar.
'Cause I could shove either one up your ass and kill you.
Now, leave me.
I get it.
回家吧 韦德 Go home, Wade.
我没有家了 黄哥 我只有... I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a...
Okay, I'm fine.
我没事了 I'm fine.
你知道没事的潜意思是什么吗 韦德 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade?
是倒霉 没安全感 缺乏关爱和情绪波动大 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional.
根据那个 According to the...
Kubler-Ross.Yeah.
对 根据库伯勒-罗丝模型 According to the Kubler-Ross model...
否认就是丧恸五个阶段中的一个 denial is just one of the five stages of grief.
我的天哪 巴克 Jesus Christ, Buck!
你接下来可没台词说了 No more speaking lines for you.
THUG: Hey, bud. Bud.
JACK: Huh?THUG: Got a match?
JACK: Match?
Yes, I have one right here.
THUG: Don't make a move. This is a stick-up.
JACK: What?THUG: You heard me.
JACK: Mister, Mister, put down that gun.
THUG: Shut up. Now, come on. Your money or your life?
THUG: Look, bud. I said, "Your money or your life."
我在重新考虑 "I'm thinking it over!"
我滴个亲娘啊 Motherfuck!
我去 Fuck!
你他妈来我这干什么啊 The hell you doin' here?
你不知道什么叫敲门吗 Don't you know how to knock?
我以为你看见我了 I thought you saw me...
用你耳朵看的 with your ears.
你是运气好才没被我一枪打中... You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the...
这面墙 The wall?
还是冰箱 我现在好痛苦 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain.
BLIND AL: I heard the news, sweetie.
我真的非常抱歉 真的 I'm very sorry. I am.
我该怎么办啊 阿尔 What am I gonna do, Al?
可能是一些很可怕的事情吧 Probably something terrible.
即使对你来说 Knowing you.
都是我的错 It was my fault.
我他妈亲手造成的 I fucking did this.
我只想抱着她 看看她 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her
告诉她我很抱歉 可我却做不了 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't.
她走了 She's gone.
BLIND AL: Sweetheart, can you speak up?
你用这么可悲的鸡儿声说话 It's a little hard to hear you
我可听不太清 with that pity dick in your mouth.
听我说 小可怜 你得活下去 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living.
谢谢你... Thank you...
马修·麦康纳 你的话真是金玉良言 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure.
要聆听痛苦 Listen to the pain.
它既是历史老师 也是占卜师 It's both history teacher and fortune teller.
痛苦教会我们认清自己 韦德 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade.
有时这很难熬 我们会觉得自己就要死了 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying.
但不曾触摸过死亡 也就不算真正活过 不是吗 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we?
韦德 Wade?
Wade?I'm right here, Althea.
这大概是我听过 And that is the most beautiful thing
最美妙的话了 I've ever heard.
And you're absolutely right.
我要去干点儿坏事了 I'm about to do something terrible.
Precious, aren't they?
Whoa!
Are you a superhero?
Fucking A, sweetie.
What's your name?
Captain Delicious Pants.
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?
I can't believe he's still alive.
I can't believe you left the house in that shirt.
There's gotta be some way to die.
I just need to die harder.
Trademark Fox.
Y'all caught up now?
VANESSA: Open for business.
WADE: Your crazy matches my crazy.
VANESSA: I will never, ever let our child be named Todd.
WADE: Skee-Ball token.
你比我看上去聪明太多了 You're a lot smarter than I look.
WADE: About why we're so good together.
VANESSA: I love you, Wade Wilson.
WADE: Ness?
内莎 Ness?
内莎 Ness.
内莎 这里有东西挡着 我过不去 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you.
你的心不在正确的位置 Your heart's not in the right place.
等等 你说什么 Wait, hold on. What?
你的心不在正确的位置 Your heart's not in the right place.
等下 你说我的心 Wait. What do you mean
不在正确的位置是什么意思？ 到底什么意思... my heart's not in the right place? What does it...
对你的不幸我深感抱歉 韦德 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade.
你已经碎成渣了 You're broken.
我的天哪 我认得那个声音 Oh, God. I know that voice.
HEADMASTER: Well, Russell.
I hear you're handy at picking locks.
There will be no need for that here.
There's no locks on our doors, no bars on our windows.
I know what you're thinking.
Why don't the kids just run?
Who would choose to stay in such a place?
You stay because...
deep down inside, you know you're unfit to leave.
Don't worry.
We can fix that.
Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand.
心在正确的位置 "Heart's in the right place."
心不在正确的位置 那是什么意思 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean?
COLOSSUS: Take your mask off, Wade.
I wish you'd said "pants".
Let's play a game.
It's called "Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?".
Now, close your eyes and open your mouth.
COLOSSUS: You don't need to be funny here.
我们得谈谈 We must talk.
你需要重新开始 You need fresh start.
Such a glare.
It's like I'm on stage at the Gaiety.
经过训练 你可以成为X战警的一员 With training, you can be X-Man.
你在浪费你的时间 闪瞎眼的耶稣先生 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus.
我不是当X战警的料 I'm not X-Man material.
年度最谦虚奖得主 Understatement of the year.
韦德 这是雪绪 Wade, Yukio.
雪绪 这是韦德 Yukio, Wade.
我滴个中指啊 这又是个啥 What in the fuck knuckles is this?
这是我女朋友 你个思维狭隘的蠢货 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit.
哇 先别急着开炮 "福克斯和朋友们" Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends.
我只是惊讶竟然有人会跟你约会 I'm just surprised anyone would date you.
居然还是小马宝莉里的碧琪 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.
我喜欢这家伙 I like this guy.
他早晚会恶心到你 Give him a chance.
看到你这幅德行真开心 It's great seeing you like this.
是啊 Yeah.
再见 韦德 Bye, Wade!
到了我们这儿就要按我们的规矩来 Now, some ground rules while under our roof.
第一条 不可杀人 "Rule number one. No killing...
任何人 永远都不行 不管是多坏的人 "anyone ever, no matter how bad.
第二条 把冰箱里自己的东西做好标... "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator."
韦德 Wade?
Don't try to chase me.Wade!
我还没准备好被人碰到呢 I'm not ready to be touched again.
All these old guys on the wall.
Who lives here, Calista Flockhart?
那些在掉下来之后就已经坏掉了哦 Those were already damaged after they fell there!
话说我在这儿到底要做什么 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway?
坐成一圈倾吐心声吗 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings?
还有我到底要怎么坐成一圈啊 And how would I do that exactly?
这的人都他妈死哪去了？ 'Cause where the fuck is everyone?
总是只有你和负音波少年弹头 It's always just you
最长的名字没有之一 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever...
够了 Enough!
我说了不要碰我 I said no touching!
你他妈 操 What the fuck?
还以为电影公司会对我们好一点 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone.
One that doesn't end up in my mouth.
The first movie made more money
than the guy who invented pants.
他们就不能重新起用哪个著名的X战警吗 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men?
长着巨大鸽子翅膀的那货怎么样 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings?
那些人在那干嘛呢 What do those do anyway, huh?
让他们离地三尺 Carry him three feet off the ground
然后去争抢最近的松饼屑吗 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb?
不 不 不 No, no, no!
我完全不是当X战警的料 I am not X-Man material at all.
首先... First off...
我甚至都不是处男了 其次... I'm not even a virgin. Second and more...
在我看你自哀自怨的时候 I should have left you
就不该想着拉你一把 in the self-pitying mess I found you in.
但是这就是朋友该做的 他们会出现 But this is what friends do. They show up!
不是在你一切顺利的时候 Not when convenient or easy.
而是在你有麻烦的时候 而你非常擅长制造麻烦 When hard, and you always make it hard.
你现在情况差极了 You are unwell.
我为了救你可以两肋插刀 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here.
其中一个杀死 Wait. One of the assholes
瓦内莎的混蛋跑了 who killed Vanessa got away.
我的天呐 Oh, Jesus Christ!
I thought you were gonna kiss me for a second there.
Please know I wouldn't be able to stop you if you did.
韦德 不管他们是谁 Wade, whoever they are...
我们会找到他们 再让他们接受正义的制裁 we track them down and bring them to justice.
是我 It was me.
我就是那个逃跑的混蛋 I'm the asshole who got away.
我把他们都杀死了 除了我自己 I killed every last one of them, except me.
我杀死不了自己 Couldn't kill me.
我们本来要建立一个家庭的 We were gonna start a family.
我们本来... We were, uh...
我们本来要成为一家人了 We were gonna be a family.
COLOSSUS: Wade...
瓦内莎已经去世了 她不会死而复生 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back.
这儿也许不是你想要的那个家庭 This may not be family you want...
但是你会需要我们这个家庭的 but it's family you need.
你本心地善良 You have a good heart.
它属于这里 在它可以成长的地方 It belongs here where it can grow.
你刚刚说什么？ What did you say?
我的心怎么了？ About my heart?
我觉得我的心到正确的位置了 I think I'm in the right place.
MAN: I'mma tell you what the big lie is.
厕纸 Toilet paper.
What's so bad about toilet paper?
Gets the job done.
Does it really get the job done?
All right. Say you wake up tomorrow morning...
and, hypothetically, find some fresh shit on your face.
Your cheek, maybe a little bit in the beard.
What the hell? I'm about to be fucking sick!
What do you do?
Do you go to a bathroom
and tear off a piece of dry tissue...
and rub it around on your beard a little bit
and then go on, get on with your day?
Go to church, maybe dinner and a movie,
like nothing happened?
Where is this coming from, man?
But something did happen.
Your face smells like shit. Right?
So what you would do,
is you would get some soap, you'd get some hot water...
and you would scrub the fucking shit
out of your beard for 10 straight minutes.
You could not scrub it enough.
Are you trying to make me feel disgusting?
I'm starting to feel...
Toilet paper is a pretty fine appetizer.
但然后... But, then...
好奇牌纸尿裤是天然护理湿巾 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes.
那才是你该用的 That's your main course.
他们又软又湿润 他们是为婴儿设计的 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies.
Finally, one more pass with toilet paper,
帮忙清除多余的水分 maybe clear out that excess moisture.
如果你能找到一个吹风机 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go,
也许还会让自己随用随走 if you can get you a hair dryer.
Just about 30 seconds would do you good.
什么鬼 The fuck?
Year.
啥 What?
今年是哪一年 What year is it?
你这问的是什么傻X问题 What kind of dumbass question is that to ask?
INSTRUCTOR: We have 8 weeks of boot camp ahead of us, men.
That'll get us toned and prepared
for all manner of combat.
Not working out at all.
Masking tape.
It is no friend to chilled aluminum.
Velcro. Color-coded, efficient,
environmentally friendly.
Who is he talking to?
And why is he dressed like a registered sex offender?
Can we focus for a moment, ladies?
Please, we need to talk about next month's meal plan.
Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche.
I read the suggestion box.
I'm gonna stop you right there.
I see through this weak act.
You may have fooled Colossus with this nice guy shit...
but not me.
Don't be mean.
Back off, NTW.
No, no, no. Let her go.
Let her go, it's okay.
She has a right to be skeptical.
Look at me. I'm an easy target.
You know, historically,
mischief has been my mistress...
so I understand, you know. But I like to think...
that you guys have really rubbed off on me.
I like to think that I've rubbed off around you, too.
A lot.
And for the first time in a long while...
I like me.
I accept your apology.I never apologized.
I was talking to your heart.
See? You're not lost cause you thought.
I'm proud. You're everything I knew you can be.
Thank you, Colossus.
Just trying to be the world's best X-Man.
Sorry, X-Person.
Hmm. Something wrong with the soap.
It's fine.
I just filled it. Give it a few more pumps there.
现在如果你没事了 Now, if you'll excuse me...
it's dust bunny season...
and I'm hunting wabbits.
再见 韦德 Bye, Wade!
Fuck you.
HEADMASTER: No one is born perfect.
But you can be.
I know you're doing what comes naturally.
You can't help yourself.
But you can.
It takes work, discipline...
and treatment.
Your abilities...
我知道他们有多诱人 I know how seductive they are.
How powerful they make you feel.
But you must learn never to use them...
so they will never use you.
Please don't cry.
I'm going to help.
I'm gonna make you feel what you should feel.
How you need to feel...
every time you're tempted to act upon your urges.
Suck my mutant dick, you four-eyed fuck.
COLOSSUS: Wade.
韦德！ Wade!
Come in! Hey, I was just doing
a little bit of light reading here...
We have mission.
Well, you guys be safe out there.
I'll be praying for you.
No, I want you to join.
不好意思 你说什么？ I'm sorry, what?
You heard me.
Trust me, that's a terrible idea.
I'm really not ready.
You are ready.I'm not.
五分钟后X战机上集合 Be at the X-Jet in five.
I can do thirty.
Now.I can do now.
Final offer.
REPORTER: Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.
为您播报埃塞克斯之家变种人治疗所 Live here at a breaking news situation
发生的突发状况 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation.
一个变种人男孩似乎 A mutant boy is appearing to have
与我背后的这些警察 some sort of an incident...
with police here behind me.RUSSELL: Get away from me!
有两辆警车已被掀翻 There are two police vehicles that are overturned.
There are open fires.Fuck off! Stay back!
REPORTER: A scene of absolute chaos here.
OFFICER: Calm down.
RUSSELL: I'll burn you! You stay back!
离我远点 Get away from me!
你想死吗 You wanna fucking die?
这么看来 X战警就快来了... And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving...
散开 Scatter!
REPORTER: ...with what appears to be a trainee.
大家都冷静一下 专业的到了 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I...
我们是X战警 We're the X-Men!
一个用来隐喻60年代种族主义的现代词 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s.
来吧 尊重和.. So, respect.
稍息吧 警官们 At ease, Officer.
你干什么呢哈哈 What are you doing?
我的工作啊 My job!
是你说我已经准备好了 You're the one who said I was ready,
而我已经明确说我还没准备好 and I frankly disagreed with you.
但我们还是来到了这里 试图解决彼此之间的分歧 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences.
就想碧昂丝说的 拜托了 Like Beyonce says, "Please...
拜托你别再出轨了 "Please, stop cheating on me."
OFFICER: Hey!
这是第五起意外了 This is the fifth incident.
这孩子应该关到冰盒监狱里 而不是在这 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here.
罗素需要我们的救护 Russell belongs in our care.
不应该待在监狱里 我向你保证 Not in prison. I assure you...
一切情况尽在我们的掌握之中 we have everything under control.
RUSSELL: Stay back! I'll burn you!
并不觉得一切 Not getting a real
尽在你们掌控啊 马蒂 "under control" vibe here, Marty.
It is Glen, isn't it?Daniel.
I'll ask the questions, Miguel.
Let me talk to the kid.
你就跟你奇怪又神秘的...性感小嘴唇待在这儿吧 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips.
RUSSELL: You wanna die?
他真可爱 This kid's adorable.
真不知道我为什么装了一排空尖弹 I don't know why I packed the hollow points.
我能把你烧得不能自理 I'll burn your balls off!
First day. I'm so nervous!
你刚刚是说空尖弹了吗？ Did you just say "hollow points"?
对啊 应该 Yeah, probably should've
带个超级水枪来的 brought a Super Soaker.
嘿 小伙计 Hi, there!
退后 不然我就让贾斯汀·比伯死翘翘 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies!
贾斯汀·比伯 他说你是贾斯汀·比伯 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber.
等等 不管你有什么大招... Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
别着急用 好吧 Okay, let's not do whatever that is.
我们来聊聊天吧 Okay? Let's just talk!
你叫罗素 是吗 It's Russell, right?
Firefist.Firefist.
这可真是个好名字啊 火是从哪儿开始烧的啊？ Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn?
只是拳头还是整个手肘都行 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow?
绝对是整个手肘都行 Definitely all the way up to the elbow.
悄悄的给我过来 不然会有麻烦的 Come quietly, or there will be trouble.
You stole that from Robocop!That's from Robocop!
你还是别说话了 Just stand down!
真给我丢人 听着 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire...
我说不出来啊哈哈哈 实在是对不起哈哈哈哈哈 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry!
啊操 你他妈超出我的底线了 Oh, shit! That fucking does it!
手放在膝盖后面 Put your hands behind your knees
头朝下 立刻马上 and get down on your head! Now!
韦德 第一条规定是什么 Wade! What was first rule?
把冰箱里所有东西都贴上标签 Label everything in the refrigerator!
Do not escalate!Rules are meant to be broken!
COLOSSUS: That's the exact opposite
这个意思 of what they're meant for!
操 行吧 Fuck! Fine!
我从头再来一遍 I'll start from the beginning.
- 我的名字是死侍 我是X战警 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man.
Trainee!Shut it!
行了 我知道了 Look, I get it.
好吗 你很害怕 All right, you're scared.
孤身一人 Alone.
你没有家人 You got no family.
我也没有家人 I didn't have a family, either.
你住在这个垃圾堆 猜猜怎么着 You live in this dump. Guess what?
我以前就住在一个和这个一模一样的破地方 I used to live in a shithole just like it.
But you know something?
A wise woman once said to me...
"Speak up."
"I can't hear you with that pity dick in your mouth."
Too much? I went too far.
这招挺过瘾啊 That was effervescent.
要待在学校 小屁孩 Stay in school, kid.
或者不待 我就没待 Or don't. I didn't.
我是一名X战警 And I'm an X-Man.
实习战警 Trainee.
靠 Fuck it!
超级英雄版着陆要来了 Superhero landing coming up!
操 操 操 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
这招太不实用了 That is so not practical.
我觉得这X战警的排场还真挺不错 I could get used to this X-Man shit.
NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD: Trainee!
实习战警也行 Trainee!
OFFICER: Get a power restraint on him. Now!
喷水枪们 别着急 都结束了 我们抓到你了 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya.
这是干嘛的 What's that do?
力量抑制项圈 Power-dampening collar.
能隔绝所有变种能力 Shuts down all mutant abilities.
无法挣脱 除非你用手榴弹炸 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade.
刚开始让哥用这个不就没这么多事了 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act.
HEADMASTER: Thank you!
真是太令人激动了 That was absolutely thrilling.
这是真正的英雄主义 True heroism in action.
我们欠你个人情 We are in your debt.
接下来就由我们接手吧 We can take it from here.
求求你 把我送到冰盒监狱里吧 Take me to the Ice Box, please!
去哪里都比这儿好 Anywhere's better than here.
相信我 孩子 Believe me, son,
你不会想进冰盒监狱的 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box.
That place makes Hitler's anus look like Waikiki.
进去吧 年轻人 Let's get you inside, young man.
不 等等 等等 No, wait, wait. Wait.
你们就 你们就站那儿别过来 You guys stay there.
这些家伙伤害你吗 Those guys hurt you?
谁 Who?
老秃头 贾里德·库什纳 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
还是两个一起 Both of 'em?
去他妈的 Oh, fuck it.
四 五个瞬间 Four or five moments!
你说啥 I'm sorry?
四 五个瞬间 Four or five moments!
成为英雄只需要这几个瞬间 That's all it takes to be a hero.
人们都认为你用英雄的方式起床 People think you wake up a hero...
用英雄的方式刷牙 brush your teeth a hero...
用英雄的方式撸到洗手液瓶里 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero.
但其实不是 变成一个英雄 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments!
只需要几分钟 A few moments...
用几分钟的时间去做一些没人会用的肮脏手段 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do.
不 No!
OFFICER: Stand down! Hold your fire!
Wade, what did you do?Colossus, no!
You were right, Wade. You are not X-Men material.
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!
What was your first clue?
The hollow point through that fuckhead's face?
That kid was abused!
You can always tell!COLOSSUS: We have rules!
你不是法官 陪审团 也不是行刑官 You are not judge, jury or executioner!
去你妈的规矩 我只为正确的事而战 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right!
那么有些时候 你就必须不择手段 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty!
这是你最后一次让我失望了 韦德 You let me down for the last time, Wade.
OFFICER: Okay, get these guys in the pod.
把他们送到冰盒监狱 Take them to the Ice Box.
你好啊 小宝贝 Hey, baby!
我很好奇我会进什么帮 I wonder what gang I'll be in.
呼 Yeah!
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? Hi.
I've always seen myself as
more of an East Coast Hufflepuff.
I've made a critical error on my Airbnb reservation.
This is not what the website looked like at all.
I love the decor though.
I had no idea hopeless was a color.
GUARD: Hard left, douchebag.
来吧 你先进 Please, after you.
Another disgusting minority off the streets.
We'll sleep well tonight.
Let's get a bagel.
晚安了 你个烦人的浑球 Nighty-night, you annoying prick!
RUSSELL: You're a long way from your superpowers.
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.
Not to worry, we're old friends.
我去 Fuck!
我想当一个超级英雄 I wanted to be a superhero.
我一直想要一件自己的超级装备 Always wanted a real super suit.
发生了什么事 What happened?
你什么时候见过加大码的超级英雄 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero?
从没见过 Never.
这个社会歧视胖子 The industry discriminates.
去他妈的超级英雄 Fuck superheroes.
The thing that pisses me off the most...
I never stood up for myself in there.
My whole life.
I've been waiting for someone to come and save me.
Nobody's gonna sacrifice anything for me.
I gotta start taking care of myself.
I have a mission now.
我离开这里之后的要做的第一件事 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here...
就是活活烧死校长 burn the headmaster alive...
然后跟他烧焦的尸体来张自拍 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse.
Aw. That's, like, my favorite part of the Bible.
I don't have a sock puppet on me...
but what did he do to you?
Did he taste the rainbow?
I'd whisper it, but Skittles would sue us.
那混蛋最讨厌变种人 Fucker hates mutants.
He tried to beat the genes out of us.
Nothing worse than a "pray the gay away" type guy.
Sick piece of shit.
明天 我会找到这里块头最大的家伙 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here...
and we'll make him our bitch!
那是什么 What was that?
那就是这里最大的家伙 That is the biggest guy in here.
告诉你个冰盒监狱监狱的小趣闻 Fun fact about the Ice Box...
虽然没人见过 though no one's ever seen it,
不过他们的地下室里关了一个怪物 they keep a monster in the basement.
就在这一坨 Right next to a huge,
新鲜出炉的伏笔附近 steaming bowl of foreshadowing.
看… Look.
我保护不了你 I can't protect you.
戴着这个项圈 With this collar on,
我的超能力就是不受控制的的癌症 my superpower is just unbridled cancer.
给我一份弓和箭 我就只能当个鹰眼 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye.
现在如果你没事了 Now, if you'll excuse me...
我就努力长肿瘤 等着去天堂见瓦内莎了 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits.
我得先给我们做一把短刀 I'll start by making us a shank.
Good listening.I stole that guard's pen...
and stashed it in the old prison wallet,
你懂我的意思吧？ if you know what I'm saying.
我真希望我不知道你在说什么 I really hope I don't know what you're saying.
RUSSELL: I know it's in there, I just need to get it out.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
我能听到你在里面掏东西的声音 I can hear you rummaging around in there.
Do they make Purell for your ears?
REPORTER: And to update you
之前报道的一则消息 on the story reported earlier,
经过了在埃塞克斯之家变种人治疗所外 after a lengthy standoff
漫长的僵持阶段 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation...
两名变种人遭到逮捕 two mutants were arrested
并被转移到冰盒监狱监狱 and transported to the Ice Box...
AUTOMATED VOICE: Entering repair mode.
REPORTER: ...several police cars were destroyed
警方联系到X战警们来到现场恢复秩序 and the X-Men were called in to restore order.
GUARD: Cells seven and nine
现只允许医疗人员进入 now off-limits for medical personnel.
七号和九号牢房 Cells seven and nine
现只允许医疗人员进入 now off-limits for medical personnel.
Psst!
别 别这么做 Don't do that.
啥 你为什么要对我抛媚眼 What? Why are you winking at me?
我会罩你的 I got your back.
老天啊 Oh, my God.
我说过我会保护你 You're sick, I gotta protect you.
可离我远点吧 小屁孩 Just leave me alone, kid.
真他妈好 Oh, great.
哟 看看我们的新朋友 Well, hello there, new fish.
能在这儿看到一些新面孔真令人开心 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here.
这只是一小部分 I've done some light catalog work...
不过说真的 做模特只是成为演员的一个小台阶 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting.
I was talking to him.Oh.
我们之前见过嘛 我不记得这个胡子啊 Have we met? I can't place your mustache.
Black Tom Cassidy.White Wade Wilson.
你丫超能力是什么 文化挪用吗 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation?
你应该是这里最能打的小骚货 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here.
但我看你一点都不像 You don't look like much to me.
监狱第一法则 小白脸 First rule of the yard, fuckface...
找到势力最大的家伙 并让他成为你的 find the biggest guy and make him your...
第二大的家伙 Second biggest guy.
我最不需要的就是肝炎了 The last thing I need is more hepatitis.
居然还很滑 这张桌子需要好好擦一下 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down!
有人来擦一下这张桌子吗 Can we get a wipe down on the table?
小屁孩 我认为你站错队了 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side.
不 我没有 他是我朋友 No, I didn't! He's my friend!
闭嘴 我们不是朋友 Zip it. We're not friends.
你马上会被小丁丁抽脸... You're about to get dick-slapped.
我玩得真他妈开心 你当时各种被打... I had so much fun! You were like...
当时我说："坐下 你个傻吊" And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick."
求你了 让我安静地去死吧 Just let me die in peace.
我们强强联手超棒的 We make a great team!
我们不是一伙人 Oh, God! We're not a team.
你刚才在那说什么？我们是朋友 搭档 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners.
我们不是搭档 也不是朋友 We're not partners or friends.
这故事不会以我俩开车驶向夕阳作为结尾的 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset.
它会以我死于癌症结束 It ends with me dying of cancer...
而你会夺得冰盒监狱最软嘴巴奖 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth.
在这个世界上我关心的人只有一个 There's only one person in this world
不过她已经死了 that I care about, and she's gone.
你想要活下去吗 You wanna survive?
不要试图去挑衅势力最大的人 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here...
要去和他们做朋友 and make friends with them.
找一个人做朋友 Make friends with someone.
除了我 任何人都行 Anyone but me.
甚至布莱克·提姆也行 Maybe even Black Tim.
还是布莱克·埃文 我忘了他叫什么了 Black Evan, I don't know.
我只记得他是非裔美国人 All I remember is he was African-American.
AUTOMATED VOICE: System malfunctioning.
7 12 14 27号牢房 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
滚回你们的牢房 你们这群变种杂碎 快滚进去 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there!
AUTOMATED VOICE: Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Searching.
牢房0-4 已锁定 Cell 04 located.
门打不开 Door won't open!
GUARD: On your fucking knees!
那里是我们的牢房 That was our cell.
这老混蛋脾气这么爆 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker
还装备冬兵手臂 我什么时候惹到他的？ with a Winter Soldier arm?
离我远点 孩子 Get away from me, kid!
听我的 快走 Listen to me! Go!
你好啊 罗素 Hello, Russell.
你到底是谁 Who are you?
我是蝙蝠侠 I'm Batman.
Ooh!
这枪真带劲儿 Oh. That's got some zip.
别想了 连我都杀不了我自己 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me.
说 Talk!
到底是怎样的一个无耻混蛋 What kind of spineless shit stick
才会去杀一个14岁的孩子 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy?
你最好立刻交代 You might wanna start talking!
因为我有很多次这样开火的经历 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this!
名字是电索 The name's Cable.
我来自未来 不要多管闲事 I'm from the future. Just walk away.
Oh!
所以你来自未来 行吧 So, you're from the future.
那我问你三个问题 I have three questions then.
第一 重音回响还流行吗 One, is dubstep still a thing?
Two, do people still homebrew?
And three, does Dopinder ever find love?
只有娘炮才玩重音回响 Dubstep's for pussies.
你好黑暗啊 You're so dark!
你确定你不是DC宇宙来的吗 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?
我超爱重音回响 I love dubstep!
WADE: Is that a fanny pack?
我在1990年几乎没有过一个一模一样的 I used to have one of those in 1990-never.
留个纪念吧 Something to remember you by.
把那个还给我 我在哪它就在哪 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere.
就像你那个恶心的芬妮包的回忆一样 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack!
你为什么要保护那个孩子 Why are you protecting the kid?
我一点都不在乎他 I don't give a fuck about him...
他可能有恋母情结 and his Are You My Mother? complex!
这个是干什么的 What's this one do?
WADE: In every film, there's a moment
都有主人公跌入谷底的时候 when the hero hits rock bottom.
InCool Runnings, it was when John Candy's
坏了的时候 prized bobsled broke.
InHuman Centipede, it was when those people...
签了要拍那部电影的时候 signed on to be in that movie.
但是在这部电影里 这个嘛... But in this film, well...
我的谷底就是现在你们看的这段了 you're looking at it.
GUARD: On your fucking knees, mutant.
WADE: Rock...
谷底了 meet bottom.
VANESSA: I love you, Wade Wilson.
内莎 Ness?
嘿 内莎 Hey, Ness!
内莎 能让我进去吗？ Ness, can you let me in?
求你了 Please! Please.
我的天啊 Jesus.
你给我指的路我看不清啊 You're not giving me a lot of direction here.
我已经走投无路了 I'm at the end of my rope.
我加入了X战警 Then I joined the X-Men.
我进监狱了 I went to prison. I, uh...
我的心该放在那个孩子身上吗？ Is it the kid?
孩子们让我们有机会变成更好的人 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be.
是那个孩子 The kid!
瓦内莎的意思是让我把心放在那孩子身上 That's exactly what she meant.
你的心不在正确的位置 Your heart needs to be in the right place.
我绝对不会丢下那个孩子 I'm not gonna abandon this kid.
从来都没有人帮助过他 从来没有 He's never had anyone, ever.
我得无私一点 I need to be selfless.
好吧 可是 但这话是什么意思 Yeah, but what does that mean?
这句话的意思是 我要去救罗素 It means I'm gonna save Russell.
也许我救不了瓦内莎... Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa...
但也许我还能救一个新西兰的超大码少年 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand.
好吧 我说的是无私这个词 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless."
我其实不知道这词什么意思 I literally don't know what that means.
我的天 Jesus Christ.
听着 我的人说 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay...
那些变种人 those muties are being transferred
要被送到一个80里外的控制区 to a supermax, 80 miles away.
好 我会半路拦下他们 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way.
先别急着激动好吗 哥们 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay?
我们说的是一只全副武装的运送队 We're talking about an armored convoy...
还有个来自未来的超级大坏兵 and a vicious super soldier from the future...
正等着把你的脑袋变成一个可操型烟灰缸 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray.
你知道我们需要什么吗 You know what we need to do?
我们需要一个无敌战队 We need to build a fucking team.
他们要能打 不死守道德规范 We need 'em tough, morally flexible...
足够年轻 and young enough so they can carry
至少10到12年内不会散伙 this franchise 10 to 12 years.
A team of highly-skilled motherfuckers.
I'm talking about some Ocean's 14shit. Rogue Two.
John Wick 3,but with the original director.
DOPINDER: My body is an instrument of death.
现在不行 多芬德 Not now, Dopinder.
我能帮上大忙的 I could be of great use.
你的超能力是什么 What's your superpower?
Courage.That's adorable.
那你有勇气去看看自动贩售机里 Do you have the courage to check and see...
还有没有足够的卫生棉吗 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser?
是的 先生 Yes, sir.
真抱歉让你看到这个 I'm sorry you had to see that,
哦不 我很高兴你听见了 although I'm glad you heard it.
好了 我去招人收简历 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes.
但是我们可不包医保和牙保 But we're not paying medical or dental.
我去领英网上看看 It's time to get back on LinkedIn.
GUARD: Attention, all inmates!
Transport to Cross Force Maximum Security
Mutant Containment Facility...
will begin at 0800 hours.
Inspection of your cells and out processing
will begin at 0600.
BLACK TOM: Oi.
MUTANT: What the fuck do you want?
那他妈是我的布丁 That's my fucking pudding.
Fuck your pudding!You like pudding?
有人吗 Hello?
我知道你在里面 I know you're in there.
在这里做老大一定不轻松吧 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here.
独霸山巅 Lonely at the top, eh?
他们明天就会转移我们 They're moving us tomorrow.
也许到时我可以救你出来 Maybe I can get you out of here.
我们可以把整个世界都操翻 And we can make the whole world our bitch.
我们需要一个暗号 We need a secret code.
不行 这个太蠢了 罗素 你个大傻瓜 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
我们是一伙的了 We're a team.
我们就像匪帮 就像黑社会 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters.
I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube.
WEASEL: Supposedly, she can rap, too.
是啊 Yeah.
我喜欢哟 I like that.
棒极了 这些都棒极了 Terrific, these are all terrific.
见一见喧嚣 Meet Bedlam.
名字很帅啊 超能力呢 Cool name! Superpowers?
I can distort electrical fields.
包括你脑子里的磁场 Including the one inside your brain...
可以让你焦虑 疑惑 causing anxiety, confusion...
和痛苦 pain.
所以基本上 你就是戴夫•马修斯 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews.
我们用得着他 We can use him.
我是扎格斯特 I'm Zeitgeist.
不错 我喜欢 Cool. I like it.
我猜你能把手指放在 呃 So you have the power
社会的脉搏上 to put your finger on the pulse of society?
没有吗 No.
不是的 我能吐出强酸的呕吐物 No, I spit acidic vomit.
Oh.Do you want me
to demonstrate?No!
WEASEL: We'll take your word for it.
谢谢 我跟你讲 我们都去阿比斯餐厅吃过饭 懂了吧？ Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay?
这位 就是隐形人 And this is the Vanisher.
可是 But...
隐形人 Vanisher!
Nice!Right?
他不在这儿 对吧 He's not here, is he?
他可能是迟到了 He may be running late.
我的名字是锈蚀但你们可以叫我碎星 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar.
BOTH: That's good, yeah.
"Rusty" is terrible.Toughie.
So, uh, where are you from?The planet Mojo World.
So you're an alien, I guess.Bad name.
外星人对我们有什么好处 How does that, uh, help us?
基本上说 我每一点都比你们强 I'm basically better than you at everything.
那么一瞬间 我希望找这么个星球 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people
上面全是什么都比我差的饭桶 that are worse than me at everything.
一大群实用的傻蛋 A whole bunch of functional idiots.
我一定要去那当他们的超人 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman.
那不就是加拿大吗？ Isn't that Canada?
你把你满嘴喷粪的的臭嘴给我闭上 You shut your goddamn trash mouth!
WEASEL: Meet...Domino.
What's your shtick?I'm lucky.
That's not a superpower.
Yeah, it is.No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.No, it isn't.
Yeah, it is.No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.No, it isn't.
Yeah, it is.Really isn't.
No, it isn't.Yes, it is.
Told you.
Get out of my head!
I'm not in your head.
I'm in an 11-year-old's bedroom.
Well, if you're so lucky,
then what are you doing here with us?
我还不知道 I don't know yet.
- 她这话是什么意思 What's that supposed to mean?
There's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when I know.
Everything usually just kind of works out for me.
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.
I don't know who that is.
You're hired.
Lucky me.
I like her!
来吧 最后一个 And last, but not least...
彼得 Peter.
你这个是照骗吗 还是... Am I getting catfished here or...?
你有什么超能力想给我们展示么？ Any powers you wanna tell us about?
PETER: No.
我没有超能力 I don't have one.
Um, I just saw the ad.
No superpowers at all?
Uh, I have both Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.
Ow! Oh!
That's all the diabetes.
Right? Yeah, you got 'em all.
If you find a Type 3, let us know.
是啊 Yeah.
- 你被录用了 You're in.
Yeah.Fuck!
这工作真不错 It's fulfilling work.
GUARD: Let's go!
GUARD: This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box.
我们上路了 We are en route.
CABLE: Peacetime makes people soft.
我为战争而生 I was born into war.
战争养育了我 Bred into it.
好吧 Okay.
你经历过最痛苦的感觉是什么 What's the most pain you've ever felt?
这些绳子绑得很... These restraints are pretty...
人们以为他们了解痛苦 People think they understand pain.
They have no concept of it
beyond their own worst experience.
5 years old. That's what?
A bee sting.
Oh, yeah.
20 years old, shrapnel.
40 years old, disease.
Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man.
Yeah, getting old's not for sissies.
That's what my Grandma Ginny used to...
我已经列了个单子 I've got a list.
我会让你体验单子里的各种痛苦 We're gonna work down it.
我们一起来完成 Together.
首先 我要掰弯一个东西 Number one, I'm gonna bend something.
一个不该被掰弯的东西 Something that was not meant to bend.
好 我要在这里打断你一下 I'm gonna stop you right there
因为 我不想让你接着说了 because I'm not gonna make it to two.
我甚至连这一个都不想经历 I won't even make it to one.
我很怕疼的 你知道吗 I don't do well with pain, you know.
要是我磕到脚趾 那我今天什么也别想干了 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day.
他们把《大学生费莉希蒂》砍掉的时候 我就哭了 I cried when they canceled Felicity.
还有就是我非常害怕的时候 我会紧张地勃起 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections.
我现在就硬了 I have one right now.
别去看它 这样只会让它更糟 Don't look. It'll only make it worse.
我不想让你伤害我 I don't want you to hurt me,
我会把一切都告诉你 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know.
除了他们在哪 我不能说 Except for where they are.
罗素在一辆沿着格里·杜根大道 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound
向南行驶的押运车里 on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
那个怪物和他一起 我要是你就是不会去招惹他 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him.
你清楚计划的 You all know the plan.
拦截押运车 Intercept the convoy,
抓走男孩 但是动作要得体 grab the boy. But not inappropriately!
WEASEL: You know what,
我也不会去惹死侍 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either.
因为他组了个队 他是不可抵挡的 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable.
他有只菊花笔 他会拿那玩意捅你的 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it.
当心这个家伙 电索 Watch out for this guy, Cable!
他非常矮 1米8左右 跟漫画里的设定不一样 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics.
如果我们成功了 我们就都能早点回家 And if we succeed, we all go home early.
WEASEL: So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you...
这段时间有强风警报 there's a wind advisory in effect.
PILOT: A little turbulent up here.
我不太知道这个叫电索的 I don't know much about this Cable fella...
但是我可以保证 but I guarantee he hasn't killed
他的杀人数跟黑素瘤比就差远了 as many people as melanoma has.
我们越来越近了 We're getting close!
作为一个前X战警... As a former X-Man...
Trainee.Thank you, Bedlam.
他们如此露骨地使用带有性别歧视意味的队名 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism
让我深感震惊 in the group's name.
"X-男" 男 X-Men! Men!
重点是我们的队伍要有超前的思维 The point is, our group will be forward thinking.
性别中立 Gender neutral.
所以从现在开始 我们的队名就是... From now on, we'll be known as...
X特攻队 X-Force.
这不会有点山寨吗 Isn't that a little derivative?
我并没有征求你的意见 彼得 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter!
刚才那话不是我说的 That wasn't me.
飞机降到1300英尺时 我们就跳出去 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet...
截下押运车 救出男孩 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy.
我们开始屠杀吧 宝贝！ Let's bring on the carnage, baby!
看我表演吧 Get me on the ground, watch me go!
ALL: Yeah!
已经忍不住要大杀特杀了 I can't wait to kill!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
我只是想说我以这个队为傲 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team.
你们知道吗 你们看起来超级棒 You know, you guys look amazing!
隐形人 毫无疑问你的样子也肯定棒极了 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too.
这就是 This is the family
我一直想拥有的大家庭 我有过... that I've always dreamed of having and I...
妈的 我忘了 Ah, shit.
我有时会激动的说不出话来 I just get a little choked up sometimes.
我不想打断你们 但是没人 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous
担心这个强风吗？ about the high winds?
Gary.My name's Peter.
我知道你是新来的 不过别紧张 I realize that you're new to this, but relax.
你是天选之子 You've been chosen by a higher power.
Did he just call himself God?I think he did.
I'd like to go home.And I'd like...
麦当劳全年都卖烤汁猪排堡呢！ the McRib to be available year round,
但是有时愿望是不会成真的 but sometimes dreams don't come true.
我在特种部队呆了10年 I spent 10 years in Special Forces.
你觉得我们不跳出飞机 You think we didn't jump out of the plane
风就会小了吗 because of a light breeze?
别说废话了 小胡子 You're in this shit now, Mustache!
我吼你只是想震慑一下别人 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys.
我不会让你有事的 甜甜熊 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear.
开始吧 Leonard, hit it!
冲！冲！冲！ Go! Go! Go!
玩的痛快吧！ Let's get some!
喔 Whoo!
哦 太棒了 Oh, yeah!
押运车 十二点方向 听我指挥 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command!
现在打开降落伞 Deploy! Oh, hey now!
Whoa!
有点偏离航线了 Little off course here.
我的个妈呀 Holy mommy fucking shit!
他们在这呢 Ah, there they are.
看看这群出色的小婊砸们 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches.
真棒 这就对了 喧嚣 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam!
我操你奶奶的破村 No! Tripping motherfucking billies!
碎星 你没问题的 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this.
左转！ Left!
You'd have to be insane to take off in this.
你个笨蛋 左转啊！ No, stage left, you idiot!
至少我们发现 Well, I guess we found something
你不擅长什么了 you're not better at.
隐形人 Vanisher.
也许风看不到你就不会刮到你 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see.
你认真的吗 Oh! Really?
好吧 我们四个人也可以的 All right, we could do this with four.
甜甜熊 你可以的 哥们 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy!
这才对嘛 这才是X特攻队的精神 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit!
永远不能低估有胡子的男人 Never underestimate a man with a mustache!
布鲁克林的人都知道 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
我们成功了 We did it!
你真是个叼炸天的英雄 You're a goddamn superhero, you!
X特攻队 X-Force!
X特攻队 X-Force.
Oh!
彼得 Peter.
PETER: I got you, buddy!
You're gonna be fine!This is not good, man!
你可以的大块头 加油啊 彼得 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter!
- 我们是X特攻队 对吗？ Look at me. We're X-Force, right?
Yeah, we're X-Force.We're X-Force.
我操你妈啊 什么鬼 Oh, my God! What the fuck?
去你妈的强酸呕吐物 Fucking acidic vomit!
哦我的天 我刚吐在自己面具里了 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask.
DOMINO: Okay, I'm over the convoy.
剩下的队员都是在哪降落的 Where did the rest of the team land?
有好消息和坏消息 Good news and bad news.
坏消息是 队伍全灭了 Bad news is the whole team is dead.
好消息是 The good news is,
我不觉得会有人怀念碎星 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar.
他就是个刺儿头 但是保罗 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul!
DOMINO: Peter!
彼得 我们会最怀念他 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most.
但是隐形人 But there is a slight chance
还有一点点希望 Vanisher could make it.
Nope, no chance. He's dead.
DOMINO: The whole team?
只是那些主力军而已 我们还好 Only the main ones. We're still good.
靠 你是真傻 Fuck, you are dumb.
Whoever planned this stunt's
been smoking a lot jazz cabbage.
I'll tell you that much.
That's pretty obvious!
Looking good, Vanisher.
他们往隧道去了 They're headed into the tunnel.
我是那孩子的全部希望了 I'm that kid's only hope,
所以坐稳了 等我指挥 so sit tight and wait for my word.
DOMINO: Whatever.
反正我们也救不回来了 我要下去了 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in.
真是太悲观 唯一的幸存者 Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor.
幸运不是超能力 我们完蛋了 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked!
不 我们绝对没完蛋 No, we most certainly are not fucked.
真的假的 我不明白 Seriously, I don't get it!
怎么 你会从眼睛里射出幸运激光吗 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes?
很难想象的啊 It's just it's hard to picture.
一点都没有电影感 And certainly not very cinematic.
说真的 幸运 I mean, luck?
就是一群 嗑药嗑嗨的 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking
怪胎漫画家 freakshow comic book artist...
想出来的狗屎东西吗 came up with that little chestnut?
可能是个连脚都画不出来的家伙 Probably a guy who can't draw feet!
再说一遍 责任都在我的肩上了 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders.
我简直就是中了不得不做主角的诅咒 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act.
Wander the Earth...I'm in.
不好意思 你刚说什么 I'm sorry, what did you say?
我进来了 I'm in.
你他妈怎么这么快就进去了 How in the fuck are you in already?
- 哦 该死 Oh, shit.
电索 十二点钟方向 It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
好吧 Okay.
新计划 用上你全部的假象出的超能力 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers
阻止电索杀死那孩子 to stop Cable from killing that kid.
我在你六点钟方向 I'm coming up on your six.
你的枪真牛逼 That gun is amazing!
MAN: Hey! Asshole!
DOMINO: Where is he? I can't see him.
他在你上面 He's on top of you.
He's tearing you open!
他要从后面进去了 He's going in through the back!
哦天哪 他进去了 Oh, God, he's inside!
你知道你在说什么对吧 You hear yourself, right?
一不小心双关了 Accidental double entendres!
- 罗素 罗素·柯林斯 Russell! Russell Collins!
放过那孩子 约翰·康纳 Hands off that kid, John Connor!
不 不 不 No, no, no!
妈的 Shit!
两个人才能好好玩 Two can play that game!
抓到了 不对 没抓到 Got it! No, I don't.
看你的了 妈妈 Showtime, mama!
幸运女神 接过方向盘吧 Lady Luck, take the wheel.
我本想问问你是谁 不过你马上就要死了 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second.
我是多米诺 并不觉得会死 I'm Domino, and doubtful.
坚持住啊 小多 Hang in there, Doms!
这么开真的好难啊 Oh, this is really hard.
你把我的滑雪球游戏币还给我 And give me back my Skee-Ball token.
You're doing great.X-Force.
我猜重音回响死不了 I guess dubstep never dies.
喔 Whoo!
你杀了布莱克（黑人）·汤姆 你个种族歧视的混蛋 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch!
这运气可不太好啊 That's unfortunate.
我们刹车坏了 We got no brakes!
自己想办法 Figure it out!
没有什么是我杀不了的 There's nothing I can't kill.
Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say...
"There's a first time for everything, son."
放马过来吧 独眼威利 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.
Those bullets were, like, super fast.
我来了 Here we go.
多米诺 你介意开慢点吗 Domino, mind slowing us down?
我什么坏事都没干啊 Here goes nothing.
MAN: Knock, knock.
这才是好孩子 That's my boy.
哦 天啊 Holy...
我得承认... I'll be first to admit...
这跟原先计划的不一样 this did not go according to plan.
我还要承认的是 I'll also be the first to admit that
那个计划是用蜡笔写的 that plan was written in crayon.
看起来罗素好像交了个新朋友 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly.
原来多米诺也是有点牛逼 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass,
还有或许 可能 有一点小幸运 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky.
但电索 这家伙现在有点小情绪 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood.
一点马上 A mood that is
就会变得超级糟糕的小情绪 about to get significantly worse.
我的身体好像非常不对劲啊 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong.
Oh.
哦天哪 疼死我了 Oh, God, that hurt.
Suck it, Mel Gibson.
罗素 Russell.
罗素！ Russell!
你在哪里 Russ, where are ya?
罗素 你还好吗 Russell. Russell, you're okay!
太好了 感谢上.. 我的天哪 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God!
红坦克 Juggernaut!
我就知道是你 I thought that was you!
我应该穿白内裤出门的 I should've worn my white pants.
你可能会经常听别人对你说这个 但我是你的忠实粉丝 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan.
Uncanny X-Men183. Thor411.
X-Men Unlimited12.
在你冲过来杀我的时候 You know, it has always been a dream of mine...
看着你头盔上倒映出我的脸 to see my face reflected in your helmet...
是我一直以来的梦想 as you charge at me with murderous intent.
我不是说现在 I don't mean right now.
我现在要把你撕成两半 I'm gonna rip you in half now.
这是典型的红坦克台词 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say.
哦天哪 我感觉不到我的双腿了 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs.
我感受不到... I can't feel...
哦 他们就在这 Oh, no, they're right here.
没事了 找到了 罗素 Got 'em. God, Russell.
我肩负着一个使命 I have a mission.
就是复仇 To get my revenge.
我要活活烧死那个校长 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive.
你不是那种记仇的类型 You're not the revenge type.
听朋友一句 Take it from a friend.
朋友 你生病的时候是我在照顾你 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you.
你自己说的 You said it yourself.
我不是你的朋友 找个更厉害的人 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger."
所以我找了 So I did.
罗素 我之前没办法保护你 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then.
但是我现在可以了 你想让我说些什么呢 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh?
说"我在乎你"吗？ 那就对了 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it,
我真的在乎你 罗素 I care about you, Russell.
红坦克有什么是我没有的 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have?
别跟我说是腿 我就知道你要说腿 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs!
Legs!Still hurts to hear out loud!
这是啥 这啥... 这都不是根真的绳子 What is that? That's not a real rope!
你给我过来 年轻人 You get back here, young man!
小多 Doms!
小多 带我离开这里 Doms, get me out of here, please.
把我的手臂当做背包肩带 Use my arms as backpack straps.
也许我们找到上天 I think we may have found
让你加入我们的理由了 your cosmic reason for being here.
绝对不是这样的原因 I'm pretty sure this isn't it.
X特攻队 X-Force.
BLIND AL: No child is hopeless.
Don't give up on the boy.How could he just walk away?
他眼睛里都是冷漠 It was the coldness in his eyes.
你真该去听听他说的那些话 You should've heard it.
原来家庭真的是句脏话 I guess family really is an F-word.
妈妈 帮我揉揉腿好吗 Rub my legs, Mama.
我为什么要帮你揉腿？ Why would I rub your legs?
求你了 好痛啊 重新长腿越来越痛了 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains.
这他么... What in the...
为什么你的手又这么小了 Why is your hand so tiny again?
那不是我的手 That's not my hand.
啊我的天妈呀 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph!
对我来说还是不错的 That was nice for me.
韦德 我听说了押运车队发生的事 还有 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and...
你为什么不把那东西遮起来 Why wouldn't you cover that up?
一个战士没有什么好羞愧的 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.
WEASEL: Yeah, but you do. Look at you.
你就大咧咧的这么敞着吗 You're just straight shirt-cocking it,
婴儿学步风 toddler-style.
哦 是啊 就像小熊维尼 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.
到底发生了什么事 和我说说 The hell's happening? Describe it.
如果我是你的话 我是不会让他说的 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you.
WEASEL: It's like, um...Here we go.
他就像是在用肛门生小孩 It's like he was giving birth anally,
但是半途而废了 but they quit halfway through.
他们先让腿出来了 然后他们说 They got the legs out, and they said,
你猜怎么着 我不干了 "You know what, I'm done."
满意吗 Happy?
从腰部以下他就像个木偶 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down.
只是这一次 But this time, you can see
你能看见木偶的鸡鸡 the Muppet's dick.
天呐 他鸡鸡的尺寸有点... Grover's got a cock the size of a twig.
DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked.
我已经收到三张罚单了 I've had three tickets already.
不不不 老侍 不要再来一次啊 No, no, no, DP, not again!
这事以前也发生过吗 This has happened before?
Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
这个决定纠结死我了 The indecision is killing me.
为什么上帝不把我的听觉也一起带走 Why couldn't God take my hearing?
哇哦 Oh. Wow!
别激动 他们会长回来的 Cool your pits. They're growing back.
我说的是你的脸 I'm talking about your face.
我从来没有见到过你不带面具的样子 I've never seen you without your mask before.
Jesus Christ!Looks like an avocado.
DOMINO: Your legs, though, they're cute.
你想借条裤子吗 You wanna borrow a pair of pants?
我很高兴大家都来了 I'm glad everybody dropped by.
你们一定很想好奇为什么我不叫你们过来 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here.
我来告诉你为什么我会在这里 I'll tell you why I'm here.
时间旅行者妻子的老公 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband...
在我生命的某一刻击败了我 beat me within an inch of my life.
他一直折磨我 He was torturing me!
但是我只告诉了他 所有他想知道的事 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know.
所以 我来这里是帮大家做好准备 So, I'm here to help us gear up.
这样你们就可以不用带我一起去追杀他了 So we can go after him without me.
WADE: No!
我要单打独斗 I'm doing this alone.
红坦克 The Juggernaut
will kill you all.Fair enough.
WADE: I just need a couple of hours to get some legs
under me.What will you do?
WADE: I don't care what the kid did to me.
我也不会让电索抓到他 I ain't letting Cable get to him,
即使我不得不让他舔阴囊舔到死 even if I have to teabag him to death.
这个时候来说 的确只是喝口茶的事 It's really just a sip of tea at this point.
闭嘴 黑人黑寡妇 我现在文思如泉涌 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing.
第一件要做的事就是 The first order of business is
把我送到电索面前 to get me in front of Cable...
这样我就能把他身上的血全放了 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body...
然后把他的骨头弄成节假日首饰 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry.
然后我要把他的皮 Then, I'm gonna take his skin...
用它拿来完成我们自制的交配鼓 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum.
他正站在你背后面 对吧 He's standing right behind you, isn't he?
这都是什么破事 What in the ass?
这公寓是挂在Tinder上了吗 还是Grindr Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr?
来这惹事 你可挑错地方了 未来小子 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy.
有必要这样吗 Ugh. Is that really necessary?
不 那是他的"本能" No. It's his "Basic Instinct."
我们能为你做点什么吗 What can we help you with?
我是来给你提建议的 I'm here to proposition you.
我的天 Oh, boy!
他真的把事情搞砸了 不是吗 He's really teeing it up, isn't he?
谁来开第一个玩笑 Who gets to make the first joke?
我觉得我们应该同时开枪打他 I think we should all do it at the same time.
好主意 Good call.
我打赌45美元 你烂透... For $45, you get sucky-suck.
BOTH: I only do over the pants, mouth stuff.
我去 Fuck!
我的提议是 有个盖·皮尔斯的 The Proposition has a wonderful
精彩表演 Guy Pearce performance.
WADE: Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over.
Give us the line again.I need your help!
相信我 对于这种情况 我比你更不开心 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are...
但是你放走了红坦克 你个蠢货 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
我没法一个人干掉他 I can't bring him down alone.
所以就是这样 So here we are.
遗憾的是 我们不再接受 We're no longer accepting applications
X特攻队的申请了 for X-Force, unfortunately.
就算我们还收 Even if we were...
现在还有暴风预警 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least...
我们没多少时间了 We don't have a lot of time.
你的朋友快要拿到他首杀了 Your friend's about to make his first kill.
无意冒犯 但是既然你知道这么多 No offense, but if you know so much...
为什么不回到他还是个孩子的时候杀了他呢 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then?
或者干脆 再回远一点 Or better yet, head back a little further,
杀掉希特勒宝宝 kill baby Hitler.
我用的这种穿梭时间的设备 I use a device to slide through time.
我回去得越久就越难控制 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control.
我只有两个能源板 一个送我过来 I got two charges: one to get me here,
另一个送我回家 one to get me home.
Well.
编剧真是懒 That's just lazy writing.
罗素今晚会去杀 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster
孤儿院的院长 of the orphanage tonight.
从这之后 他就会尝到杀人的甜头 After that, he gets a real taste for it.
就像是十岁的克尔斯滕·邓斯特 狗日的 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
然后他就会不停的 So he keeps killing...
杀啊杀 杀啊杀 and killing, and killing,
一直杀 and killing.
直到有一天 他杀了不该杀的人 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people.
我的人 My people.
别紧张 Relax.
我只是从我的杂物包里拿点东西 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.
你明知道这是个芬妮包 It's a goddamn fanny pack...
你这个变态的小婊子 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch!
这区别简直就是天上地下 The difference is night and day.
你让我想起了我的妻子 You remind me of my wife.
你说什么 I'm sorry.
我说 你让我想起了我的 I said, "You remind me of my wife."
不 我的意思是 No, I'm sorry that you said that...
你为什么边涂唇膏边含情脉脉地看着我 然后说出这种话 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.
CABLE: She always struggled.
但是她很风趣 But she was funny...
她总是用幽默滤掉她的痛苦 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor.
我永远都学不会 Something I could never master.
她的死全都是因为我 It was my fault she died.
我的工作是阻止像他一样的人 It was my job to stop people like him.
我好几次都差点得手了 I came close a few times.
他因此很不开心 He wasn't too happy about that.
他一直试图伤害我 He was trying to hurt me...
并且他很清楚该如何才能伤害到我 and he knew exactly how to do it.
OLDER RUSSELL: Blessed are the wicked
都是上帝赐福 who are healed by my hand.
CABLE: He came into my home...
并夺走了把那地方变成家的唯一理由 and took the only thing that made it a home.
听起来耳熟吗 Sound familiar?
I'm sorry.Uh-huh.
不 我是真的抱歉 No, I'm really sorry.
但那个不是罗素 But that isn't Russell.
It doesn't have to be him.If you knew what I knew...
是 他是脾气不好 Yeah, he's got anger issues...
也许还有点学习障碍 maybe a small learning disability...
一点肥胖症 splash of diabetes...
但没有什么是不能被解决的 but nothing that can't be fixed.
如果你可以回到过去 If you could go back...
阻止那些杀死你女友的人 你会去吗 and stop the people that took your girl, would you?
没有吗 No.
I'd buy them all a bouquet of hand jobs.
废话 我他妈当然会 Of course I fucking would!
但我不会去杀一个孩子 But I wouldn't kill a kid.
我没有叫你去杀他 I'm not asking you to kill a kid!
我会杀了他 I'll kill the kid.
我是在叫你去拯救其他的几百个孩子 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids.
罗素会烧光那家孤儿院 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage.
我想你那去世的女友 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend...
也想看到你去做正确的事情 对吧 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she?
所以你考虑得怎么样 帅哥 So, what's it gonna be, handsome?
给我个机会去救他 Give me a chance to save him.
What?You said...
一旦他杀了人 就会尝到甜头 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it.
如果我们可以在那之前阻止他 If we can get to him before that happens...
答应我你会给我个机会 promise you'll give me a chance
把他带到另一条路上去 to put him on a different path.
你要什么机会 Define "chance."
我不知道 拯救一个人的灵魂 I don't know. How long does it take
要多久？ 根本也没法算... to save someone's soul? That's not...
- 我给你三十秒 I'll give you 30 seconds.
What? No!Best I can do.
爱要不要 Take it or leave it.
WEASEL: He's doing it!
看看这个小家伙 他做到了 Look at the little fella. He's doing it.
他走过来了 There he goes.
CABLE: Jesus Christ!
WEASEL: Just shirt-cocking it.
Ugh.
WEASEL: There you go, little fella.
加油 你能做到的 Go on, you're doing it!
你个漂亮 没毛 扭扭腿的小宝贝 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy.
DOMINO: Christ!
真够恶心的 That's disturbing.
三十秒 30 seconds.
Deal.Deal.
Man, that sucks they didn't have anything in your size.
I really wanted to match, you know?
Being a menacing team.
Oh, man, it sucks.
That was some cold-ass shit, kid.
And that is just the first five steps
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.
我们这他妈是在去哪 Where the hell are we going?
你自己说的 You said it yourself.
没人打得过红坦克 我们需要后援 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup.
我会沐浴在你敌人的血液里 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies.
你能关掉音乐吗 Can you turn off the music?
不准你关 You'll do no such thing.
你干嘛不直接用印度口音说呢 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent?
I'm sorry?Apology accepted.
This is a side of you I do not like.
Let me guess,
some of your best friends in the future are Indian.
你他妈在说什 What the hell are you...?
再一次 你这丑脑袋里只有思维狭隘 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head.
真对不起 会好起来的 I am so sorry. It gets better.
我他妈才不是种族主义者 你这白痴 I'm not a fucking racist, moron!
That's precisely what a racist would say.
这一点我跟这个老白人站一队 I'm with the old white guy on this one.
这可是个反差萌哦 And that's a twist.
When this is over...
I'm going to fuck you to death with your own broken feet.
And a sexual predator, too. That's rich.
I should have finished college.
所以你在未来 So what exactly do you
究竟是干什么的啊 恩？ do in the future, anyway, huh?
某种士兵？ Some kind of soldier?
对 差不多吧 Yeah, something like that.
我曾是一名军人 特种兵 I was a soldier. Special Forces.
我赌五十块 50年后的今天 我们是好兄弟 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies.
50年之后 你已经死得透透的了 50 years from now, you're very dead.
你们这一整代人把这个星球搞得乱七八糟的 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma.
嘣 Boom!
剧透警告 Spoiler alert.
啧啧 星球啊 Planets.
下次 叫优步 Next time, Uber.
给你一个剧透警告 Here's a spoiler alert.
你根本就不是什么英雄 You're not a fucking hero.
你只不过是一个打扮成性玩具的烦人小丑 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
那么我告诉你 Well, I got news for you.
我的心放在了正确的地方 My heart is in the right place.
罗素不会杀害任何人 Russell's not gonna kill anyone.
因为我 他将会知道真爱长什么样 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like.
We're all going to die.
多亏你 我也知道了 Because of you, I'll always know
有小睾丸的大老爷们长什么样 what a grown man with baby balls looks like.
我是在长大呢 不是暴露狂 I'm a grower, not a shower.
God, I wish this were a bus
where I could pull the string and get out.
It's a good thing Cable's not driving,
or you'd be in the back.
I am in the back.Right here!
我已经犯了很多错误 I made mistakes!
我想弥补我的过错 I wanna take them back!
你信任过我 我接过你的信任 You trusted me. I took that trust...
把它变成了机场厕所的 and turned it into a glory hole
寻欢洞 in an airport bathroom.
明尼阿波利斯的那个 你知道那个的 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one.
But even you know I'm not a complete piece of shit.
I was once an X-Man.
实习战警也行 Trainee!
You're still using my Velcro labels. Aw.
They do stick better than tape.
Hi, Wade!
别搭理他 Please don't.
Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick.
Right. Quick.
It's the kid. Just like you, I let him down.
And just like me,
he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him...
because the whole world wrote him off
as a piece of shit a long time ago.
Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut!
那可是红坦克啊 The Juggernaut!
Who's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever...
And hi, Yukio! That was really nice of you to say hi...
so I'm saying hi back.
你们真是超级可爱的一对呢 You guys make a super cute couple.
Yeah. Where was I?
Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes...
因为讲真 他就是个臭屌 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick!
And like a lot of dicks, he's hard as a rock...
而且只会惹麻烦 and causes nothing but problems!
Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can.
Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you?
I would be disgraced.
You are a criminal, a fugitive.
But worst of all...
you broke my heart, Wade.
Then you know what?
Your heart's in the wrong place, big guy.
做正确的事情有时会很糟糕很混乱 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy...
而且特别不方便 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient!
所以你就待在这儿吧 待在这个该死的处女堡里 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin...
我们会他妈的继续前进 while we go get our fuck on!
DOMINO: You're doing great.
RUSSELL: So you wear that helmet because
你兄弟想要读你的心？ your brother tries to read your mind?
JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven.
MAN: Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir.
And he's not alone.
HEADMASTER: Secure the children.
They will not replace us.
我们去大闹一场 你觉得怎样？ What do you say we go fuck some shit up?
大闹一场 是我合法的中间名 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name.
帮我挡着后面 我去对付那个老家伙 Watch my back. I've got the old man.
祝你好运 兄弟 Amen, brother.
是时候见见墨西哥炸卷饼了 Time to make the chimichangas.
三十秒 30 seconds.
我终于知道我为什么会在这里了 I finally know why I'm here.
我在这个地方长大的 I was raised in this place.
不过...不是被抚养大的 是一路被折磨过来的 Well, not raised. I was tortured.
原来老天爷让你来这是这个原因啊 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here.
Shall we?This is gonna be fun.
呼 Yeah!
嘿 一直想问你 那个 Hey! Been meaning to ask you...
what's with the dirty, disgusting hobo bear?
那不是污垢 那是我死去女儿的血 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter.
Are You Bear, God? It's Me, Margaret.
Give me some.
They say laughter heals anything...
except, of course, that.
我们应该直接放音乐 We should just cue the music.
欢迎回家 罗素 我们很想你 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you.
罗素！ Russell!
你不需要这样做 我们谈谈吧 You don't need to do this! Let's talk!
你为什么穿的像大学炸弹客？ Why are you dressed like the Unabomber?
原来是这样 That's why!
早说过这小杂碎已经没救了 Told you this little fucker's too far gone.
闭嘴 灭霸 我们商量好的 你... Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck...
JUGGERNAUT: Hey!
我要把那个出租车司机塞到你屁股里 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass.
我现在浑身无力 My body and my hands are so soft.
你也许应该回车上 You should probably head back to the car.
我也觉得我应该回车上 I think I'll head back to the car.
你要扣动扳机 枪才有用 It works best when you pull the trigger.
你的枪真牛逼 That gun is amazing!
RUSSELL: Say it!
你这个令人憎恶的人！ You are an abomination!
这次我要把那个红色的家伙塞进那个老东西里 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy.
我信了 大家顾好自己吧！ I believe him! Every man for themselves!
抓到了！ Gotcha!
JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget!
你还好吗 大块头？太阳快要落山了 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low!
啊 操操操要屎了 Oh, shit fuck!
过来吧 小美人 Come here, beautiful.
喔 Whoo!
RUSSELL: Say it!
你来帮我了 You came for me.
我不会放弃你 I'm not giving up on you,
你也不要放弃那个男孩 and you are not giving up on that boy.
是谁说规矩是不能破坏的？ Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken?
是时候下黑手了 It's time to fight dirty.
是时候扫荡全场了 强尼 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
要打就跟哥打 别欺负弱小 Hey! Pick on someone your own size!
真像是你说的话 That's such a you thing to say!
去干掉他吧 小老虎！ Go get him, tiger!
动画特效大战即将登场 Big CGI fight coming up!
他没问题的 He's doing great.
RUSSELL: Say it!
Russell.Bingo!
JUGGERNAUT: You see that bus?
I'm gonna shove it up your ass.
没错 哥出阴招了 That's right! I'm fighting dirty!
好极了 Oh, great!
ORDERLY: There they are! Those freaks!
一帮披着护工皮的武装恋童癖 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes.
- 我能拿一支这种枪吗？ Can I have one of those guns?
No.That's fine.
快从这里滚出去 你们这些变种杂碎 Get off this property, mutant scum!
用这块砖也是一样的 I'm just gonna use this brick.
火力全开 Maximum effort.
谁说你们再也回不了家了？ Who says you can't go home again?
CHILDREN: Oh!
CHILDREN: Yeah!
说啊 Say it.
说你每次折磨我时说的那些 Say what you said every time you tortured me!
说啊！ Say it!
被我治愈的怪胎都是上帝赐福！ Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand!
被我治愈的怪胎 Blessed are the wicked...
都是 who are healed...
上帝赐福！ by my hand.
游乐场的混蛋！ You commie motherfucker!
我的天呐 你也感觉到了吗？ Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too?
只有最好的朋友才能一起解决恋童癖 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together.
你只有30秒 你个臭肛塞 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug!
你终于开始上道了！ Now we're getting it.
我要一辆公交车才能把你们都弄出去 I need a bus to get you all out of here.
孩子们... Orphans.
哦 天啊 Oh, geez.
是时候为你所作的事付出代价了 It's time to burn for what you've done!
一个孩子不应该背负如此的力量 A child should not be burdened with such power!
罗素！等等！ Russell! Wait!
Oh!
等等！他还没有杀死任何人呢 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet!
What more do you need to see?Don't you fucking dare!
他只是个孩子 He's just a kid!
时间不等人 你自己看着办吧 Tick, tock. Meter's running!
我要把你熔了 然后做成一个鸡巴环 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring.
I told you! Leave me alone!Come on!
听我说 Listen to me!
COLOSSUS: That's how we do it
我们就是这样做的 in Mother Russia.
他们说00后是最难懂的 They say millennials are the hardest to reach.
CABLE: Oh, no. You're doing amazing.
该死 做一回坏人感觉真好 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!
回家吧 韦德 Go home, Wade!
你把一切都搞砸了 You're ruining everything!
我真是越来越擅长这个了 I'm getting good at this shit.
快走走走走走！ Go, go, go!
他今晚死定了 韦德 He dies tonight, Wade.
你拦不住我的 You can't stop me!
CABLE: He even runs like a fucking pervert.
像个丢了笔记本电脑的网络恋童癖 Like an online predator who lost his laptop.
那枪里还剩一颗子弹 There's one bullet left in that gun.
等等等等 等我一下 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second!
我能做到的 I got this.
Russell!Stay back! Go home, Wade!
我们谈谈 事情不必闹到这个地步 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way!
那坨屎 That piece of shit...
他的确需要为他对你做的事付出代价 he deserves to die for what he did to you.
他伤你伤的那么重 让你想要伤害其他人 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others.
但如果你杀了他 他就赢了 But if you kill him, he wins.
你会成为他口中描述的样子 甚至会变得更糟 You become everything he says you are, but worse.
你只是个孩子 You're just a kid.
你并不想伤害其他人 You don't wanna hurt anyone.
你怎么知道我不想 How do you know what I want?
因为我曾进入过你 Because I've been inside you.
感觉哪里怪怪的 That came out wrong.
我感受过你的处境 I've been inside your shoes.
也是很令人不爽 Which is also off-putting.
这不是一个好的比喻 It's not a great analogy.
重点是 The point is...
还有人 there are people...
在这个肮脏的世界不是只有他 There are people in this fucking world...
还是会有愿意好好待你的人 besides him, who will treat you right.
现在还来得及 不要这么做 It isn't too late. Don't do it.
我不该把你丢在那里 I never should've left you there.
我绝对不该把你丢在那 I never should've left you in that prison.
我不能相信你了 I can't trust you.
我不能相信任何人 I can't trust anybody!
太棒了 孩子 Wonderful kid.
RUSSELL: You can't stop me, Wade!
我还有一个主意 I got one more idea.
哪怕对我来说 这也是个很烂很烂的主意 It's just a really bad one, even for me.
韦德 你要做什么 Wade, what are you doing?
好了 这个是我之前那么冷漠对你的惩罚 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid!
你今天会杀掉某个... You're gonna kill someone today...
被我治愈的怪胎 Blessed are the wicked...
那就是我了 ...then it's gotta be me.
都是上帝赐福！ ...who are healed by my hand!
操他丫的 Fuck this!
告诉我 他们把这个拍成慢镜头了 Tell me they got that in slow motion.
这感觉不太妙啊 Oh, that's not good.
不是吧 No, sir.
你为了我牺牲了自己 You sacrificed yourself for me.
是啊 Yeah.
这是我做过的做好的事了 And it was the best thing I ever did.
我说过我很关心你的 I told you I care about you.
罗素 你是个好孩子 You're a good kid, Russell.
嗨 Hey.
看那只熊 The bear.
起作用了 It worked.
因为你 Because of you.
不 韦德 是因为你 No, Wade, because of you.
住手 住手 住手 Stop, stop, stop!
住手 Stop!
别救我 就让我这样走吧 好吗？ Just let it happen, okay?
我猜我的心终于在正确的地方了 I guess my heart was finally in the right place.
这个谜题真是太难解了 That riddle is so fucked up.
我很抱歉 我真的很抱歉 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
千万别 千万别 Don't be. Don't be.
我很久之前就想这样了 I've been trying to make this happen for a while.
所以 不要离开我 Please, just don't leave me.
我不希望死的时候没有人送送我 I don't wanna die without an audience.
我们哪里也不会去 We are not going anywhere.
WADE: Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching.
好好休息吧 Just rest, okay?
爸爸？ Papa.
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪
♪ Papa, can you find me in the night?♪
在我走之前 抱歉... Before I go...
抱歉 我还有几口气儿 Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
多米诺 Domino.
I want you to have my Adventure Timewatch.
听起来我是那个幸运儿 Turns out that I'm the lucky one.
谢谢 Thank you.
嗨 叫塞布丽娜的年轻女巫 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.
I liked you better with your hair short.
Think everyone did.
Hi, Yukio.Hi, Wade!
对... 还有你 And you...
铬合金骨头 Chrome Bone.
我一直都不是一个很好的朋友 I haven't always been the best friend to you.
但你一直都是我很好的朋友 But you've always been that to me.
所以谢谢你 So thank you.
为了我说一次"操"吧 Say "fuck" for me.
一次就好 来吧 Just once. Come on,
我们一起说 不是件很难的事 we'll do it together. It's no big deal.
开始了 123... Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F...
操 Fuck.
哇哦 祝你下地狱愉快 犯嘴贱的孩纸 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
还有你 电索 And you, Cable.
回到你的家吧 告诉他们韦德 跟他们问好 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi.
还有答应我 答应我一件事 And promise me. Promise me one thing.
以后要根据 That you'll start judging people...
人品来评判人 not by the color of their skin,
而不是他的肤色 but by the content of their character.
Jesus.WADE: R-Dog?
你们来了 嘿 There you are. Hey!
你现在是超级英雄了 好老弟 You're a superhero now, bubba.
That's why it's high time that you had a super suit.
This one is yours.
You might wanna get it steam cleaned.
Especially around the pants.
And let it out a little in the waist.
But, hey.
看… Look.
家庭这个词 不是脏话 Family is not an F-word.
好吗 All right?
你会找到温暖的家的 There's one out there for you.
要继续寻找好吗 Just keep looking, okay?
伙计们 有那么一小会儿 Guys, for a second there...
我们已经是很棒的团队了 we made a pretty good team.
哎 好难死啊 Oh, it's so hard to go.
好喜欢跟你们在一起啊 I just love being around you guys so much.
特别特别喜欢 So, so much.
Mmm.
呀 我现在能感受到了 要到了 耶 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah.
感受到了灵魂出窍… I feel the soul exiting the husk.
是啊 Yeah.
你们看得见吗 Can you see it?
你们看到那道美丽的白光了吗? Do you see that beautiful bright light?
就在那儿 There it is.
那个是太阳 Oh, that's the sun.
不要盯着它看 Don't stare directly into that.
我最后还想说几个字… I just have a few final words.
啄木鸟 Woodpecker.
牙龈炎 Gingivitis.
一派胡言 Codswallop.
你想来堆雪人吗? Do You Want to Build a Snowman?
对不起我迟到了 Sorry I'm late.
那会有一帮 There was a bunch
可能会摔成残疾的孩子卡在树上了 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree.
No.No.
But I did have to help a kid.Yeah.
He's got a terrible name.It's just awful.
Ugh.I tried to tell him.
这儿是天堂吗 Is this heaven?
现在是了 It is now.
我真的很抱歉 I am so sorry.
VANESSA: It's okay.
我真的好想你 I missed you so much.
什么 怎么了 What is it? What's wrong?
时间还没到 It's not time.
什么叫时间还没到 What do you mean it's not time?
我在这呢 我做到了 I'm here, I made it.
You can't stay.No, no, no.
我就要留在这 没有你我哪都不去 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you.
没关系的 It's okay.
我们会团聚的 只是不是现在 There's a time for us. It's just not now.
They need you.Who?
VANESSA: Your F-word.
WADE: Why?
VANESSA: You'll find out.
没事的 我会一直在这的 It's all right. I'll be here.
It's pretty fucking awesome over here.
I can have anything I want.
Can every day be International Women's Day?
It is heaven.
我爱你 I love you.
我知道 我也爱你 I know. I love you, too.
现在走吧 Now, go.
走吧 离开这里 Go on. Go, get out of here.
走吧 Go.
喂 Hey!
像你想我一样狠狠的亲我吧 小贱 Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
你过来啊 Well, come here.
别搞猫王 Don't fuck Elvis.
Ooh, too late.I'm sorry?
是时候见见墨西哥炸卷饼了 Time to make the chimichangas.
三十秒 30 seconds.
嗨 还没问你 你这个诡异的 Hey. Been meaning to ask you...
脏兮兮的流浪熊是怎么回事 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear?
那是我女儿的泰迪熊 It's my daughter's teddy bear.
她的名字叫霍普 Her name's Hope.
哇 Well...
你干什么呢哈哈 What are you doing?
某人准备开始搞基了呢 Somebody swiped right.
告诉我 他们把这个拍成慢镜头了 Tell me they got that in slow motion.
RUSSELL: You sacrificed yourself for me.
似乎我… It would seem I...
Huh?
货真价实的高档铅 Genuine, high-grade lead.
你个混蛋居然穿越时间来救我 You time-sliding son of a bitch!
你为了我这么做的？ You did this for me?
等等 你回不去了 Wait. You can't go back.
你的燃料已经用完了 You used the last of your fuel.
你的孩子和老婆怎么办？ What about your girl, your wife?
没事 我的家人很安全 还有 我这么做不是因为你 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you.
现在 我要在这儿四处逛一会儿 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while...
确保这个世界 and make sure the world
不把自己搞成渣 doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
不 你这么做是因为我 No. You did it for me.
不 不是 No, I didn't.
You did.I really didn't.
Pretty sure you did.No, I'm positive I didn't.
好吧 好吧 我们来掷硬币 可以吧 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay?
正面朝上 你是因为我 正面朝下 你还是因为我 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me.
我甚至都不用看 因为...你是为了我 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me.
你再说一遍 Say it again.
He did it for me.CABLE: Jesus.
We must get the collar off.Forget it. It's no use.
这些颈圈不会随便脱下来的 These collars don't just come off.
韦德 Wade.
我有一个办法 I have an idea.
不 不 不 不 别这么做 求你了 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please!
我宁可死于癌症 这真是太... I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just...
天哪 的确有人说过 笔比剑还恶心 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword.
RUSSELL: We need the code.
试试 七 Try, uh, seven?
你快歇歇吧 幸运队长 Settle down, Captain Lucky.
不可能只有一个数字 It's not gonna be one number.
我的天哪 要不要这么随便啊 Oh, God, that's lazy writing.
运气还在 I still got it.
把它放回到你的监狱钱包里 Put that back in your prison wallet.
我不知道该怎么感谢你 I don't know how to thank you.
但我知道如何去拥抱你 But I do know how to hug you.
No.Yes.
好好抱一个 Here we go. Bring it in.
来吧 Come on.
盆骨对盆骨 Pelvis to pelvis.
我们来大头对大头 Let's go tip to tip.
小头对小头 年轻人管这叫 "码头停靠" There we go. The kids call this docking.
- 我丁丁里是有把刀吗 Is there a knife in my dick?
There's a knife in your dick.I'm just gonna back up now.
Yeah, yeah.No need to go full Yentl.
假装什么事都没有发生过 Gonna pretend like that never happened.
我们回家吧 罗素 Let's go home, Russell.
你们这些肮脏的变种人 All you dirty mutants
都会和这个男孩一起下地狱 are gonna rot in hell with the boy!
你们的灵魂已经无法救赎了 Your souls are beyond redemption!
让我们来观赏一下你的灵魂吧 变态！ Let's see your soul, perv!
不行 不行不要再来了 我们比这强多了 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that!
我们比他强多了 We're better than him!
再也没有无意义的暴动 再也不会血流成河 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed!
他会遭报应的 We'll let karma take care of him.
审判之日已经到了 The day of reckoning is here!
我会想他的了 他看上去还不错 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great.
喔 Whoo!
勇气 混蛋 Courage, motherfuckers!
还有因果 混蛋 And karma, motherfucker.
你开车来30秒之前我就听到了 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds.
我都差点板不住脸了 I could barely keep a straight face.
我还要更多 I want some more.
我打包票你是这么想的 棕豹 I bet you do, Brown Panther.
我们得在艹坦克醒来之前赶紧离开 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up.
好主意 你要跟我们一起吗 Good call. You guys coming with us?
不了 我得把孩子们带回宅子里 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion.
再说 我们是X战警（X男） Besides, we're X-Men.
不对 你是X人 No, you're X-People.
你是X气死人 You're exhausting.
我听懂你说的了 一语双关哈哈 I see what you did there. Puns.
Our door's always open.
That's kind, but I'm not ready to date again.
Let alone two women.
God, you're a douche.
Bye, Wade!Bye, Yukio!
当你拥有 What do you get
8英尺高的铬 when you take eight feet of chrome...
一丢丢勇气 one pinch of courage...
一小杯好运 a cup of good luck...
一点点种族歧视 a dab of racism...
严重肥胖 a splash of diabetes...
和一整个手推车的癌症超晚期 你会得到什么 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer?
答案是: 家庭 Answer: a family.
你看 我说这是一部合家欢电影没撒谎吧 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was.
如果说你今天学到了什么 If there's anything you take away today...
除了谷歌一下 重音回响是他妈什么鬼 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"...
那就是 我们都需要彼此陪伴 it's that we all need to belong to someone.
这么小的玩意 How something so small generates
怎么能产生足以让时间倒流的能量... enough energy to reverse time is...
别废话了 快修吧 小11 Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
要不我就拿到天才吧去修 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar.
电索要是知道了 会杀了你的 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out.
不知道你说的是谁 Never heard of him.
你以为我为什么要帮他？ Why do you think I'm helping him?
上帝以神秘之式普降神谕 The Lord works in mysterious ways,
不是么？ 祝你今天开心 don't I? A good day.
再见 韦德 Bye, Wade!
再见 雪绪 Bye, Yukio!
这可能不是什么好主意 That was probably a bad idea.
我们究竟做了什么啊？ What have we done?
我希望我们把奶酪摊铺机刀片磨好了 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader.
我很快就回来 I'll be right back!
我们孩子的名字必须得叫雪儿 We're definitely naming our kid Cher!
喔 Whoo!
彼得 Peter!
喔 X特工队 Whoo! X-Force!
走 快走 Walk away! Just walk away!
But we're X-Force!Nope! We're not.
X-Force is just a marketing tool
designed by Fox executives...
to keep Josh Brolin employed.
It doesn't exist.
好吧 这可够吓人的 All right, well, this has been pretty scary!
And I need to feed my cat!
回家吧 甜甜熊 回家吧 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
好吧 你能把我邮箱地址告诉多米诺吗？ Okay. Will you give Domino my email?
韦德 是你吗？ Wade, is that you?
我想史崔克终于找到办法 I guess Stryker finally
把你的嘴彻底封死了 figured out how to shut you up.
嘿 是我 别挠了 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch!
我只是在修改时间线而已 Just cleaning up the timelines!
Look, eventually you're going to hang up the claws...
and it's gonna make a lot of people very sad.
Huh?
But one day, your old pal Wade's gonna ask you...
to get back in the saddle again.
And when he does, say yes.
Oh, right.
爱你哟 Love you!
Goddamn, that's beautiful.
不用谢我 加拿大 You're welcome, Canada.
Boy howdy.
Hi. This is a toughie.
Yeesh.
Oh, yes. You're already practicing your salute, huh?
Yes, you are. Well, we'll take care of that, won't we?
Jesus Christ! This is so much harder than I thought.
Oh, I'm going to hell.
That makes two of us.
You can do this.
This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy.
All right.
火力全开 Maximum effort.
That's okay. Let me see here.
Oh, God.
That's why you're such a little bastard.
No one's ever changed you.
Yeah, you got a big, old stinky in there, don't you?
God, it smells like Hitler's anus...
which would makes sense, wouldn't it? Yeah.
I think we both know
I don't have what it takes to do this...
so I'm just gonna change your diaper real quick...
and then I'm gonna come back with my friend, Cable.
He loves killing kids.
Captioned by Deluxe